According to available reports, a significant portion of mothers in Malaysia are Stay-At-Home Moms (SAHM), although the exact number is difficult to pinpoint due to variations in surveys and reporting but estimates suggest that around 40% to 50% of mothers in Malaysia may not be actively participating in the workforce.

Mothers often choose to stay at home because they prioritize actively raising their children during their early years. They want to be directly involved in their children’s daily lives, development and milestones. Sometimes it’s due to personal beliefs about child-rearing or simply because they have the financial flexibility to do so.

June (not her real name) for example, is such a SAHM. She lives in a well-to-do suburb and has a son, Adrian (not his real name) who just turned seven and is in Year 2 at an international school. June says she chose to be a SAHM because she didn’t get the love and connection she wanted from her parents as a child and hence, could not confide in them without fear. “So I decided to be the mom every kid should have,” she says. Furthermore, she did not want to depend on nannies, her parents or in-laws to raise her child. She adds that when she became a mom, she already knew the sacrifice she would have to make.

A Sacrifice

Being a SAHM is indeed a sacrifice on the mother’s part. SAHMs often sacrifice their own career, social life, personal time and sometimes even their own identity to prioritize the needs of her children which can include giving up her financial independence, missing out on professional development opportunities, impacting future job prospects and potentially experiencing exhaustion, isolation and a lack of personal fulfilment.

A SAHM does all the housework which is seldom seen and is taken for granted. She cooks and cleans, does the laundry and manages the entire household including its finances, on top of being the children’s personal chef, the driver, the therapist (for children’s woes), the teacher, the scheduler and the on-call firefighter who handles all those emergencies that children get into all the time.

“Financially, it is also extremely hard to have no income,” says June. Having to depend solely on her husband, “we have to budget every single thing.”

She hasn’t asked her husband about contributing to her EPF as Adrian’s school fees are so expensive, so as a wife, she says she has to “understand.”

A Day in the Life of a SAHM

For June, a typical day involves getting up by 6am, preparing Adrian for school where he has to have his shower, and his milk while having breakfast. She sends him to school by 7.30am and picks him up at 3.25pm. She says she often eats her own late lunch in the car while waiting for the school gates to open. In the hours between drop off and pick up, she cleans the house, does the laundry, cooks and squeezes in a little bit of “Me” time, part of which is attending Yoga and Pilates classes organised by the school moms, and playing pickleball with the neighbourhood SAHMs in the park whenever she gets the chance to. All this is done in the mornings after dropping off Adrian at school.

Adrian himself has a tight timetable. After school, he goes for Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) five times a week in the evenings including on Saturdays, and also attends art classes and swimming lessons once a week. The evening hours before retiring to bed are for milk time, reading, maths and school homework. Adrian will soon have another class to attend and that is going for speech therapy as he has been diagnosed with a speech impediment.

Not Going Back to Work

June says she hasn’t thought much about her future but going back to work isn’t an option as it’s hard to get a job that she would be able to do at home. “Besides, it would be too much of a rush,” she says as the daily routines are already packed. “Even when Adrian is in school, my time at home is spent cleaning and preparing for when he gets home and I need to have a bit of time alone for sleeping and resting.” She won’t be starting a business either for the same reason because, “right now, my focus is on Adrian,” as she says. “He’ll be entering his first BJJ competition soon and we’re preparing for that with extra classes and one on one coaching. Plus, he’s really interested in his art lessons and swimming and is doing well.” Her current stress is about his upcoming speech therapy sessions. She is really thankful that the school alerted them to Adrian’s speech issues early so that intervention by a specialist can take place.

June says it’s not easy being a SAHM. “To be one, we have to be emotionally and mentally strong.” She says sometimes she feels she is not a good mom as she gets “mom rage” due to being over stimulated. There are so many needs at the same time, so many tasks demanding immediate attention, so much internal noise of the mental load, and too much movement, jumping, running and touching that she cannot get off from.

There is no off-button for the SAHM. Unlike a job where working hours are from 9 to 6pm five days a week, there are no off hours for the mother who works 24/7.

Yet for all the work they do, SAHMs are seldom seen, are unpaid and undervalued.

What’s the value of a SAHM?

June agrees that SAHMs are totally undervalued because society thinks they are doing an easy task since they don’t have to go into the office. They also think SAHMs are free labour and not contributing to the economy.

But SAHMs do work, very hard, as can be seen in June’s case. It’s just that they are not seen working from inside the house, balancing day to day tasks and running on a tight schedule. People don’t get to see their inner struggles of trying to keep it together because they think SAHMs have it so easy.

If one were to put a monetary value on a SAHM, their worth would be the salary of a corporate manager at least. Imagine outsourcing the work that mothers do such as hiring a maid, a nanny, a driver and so on, all these people would cost a fortune. And yet a SAHM does all this ─ and then some ─ for free.

But here’s the deeper truth. What SAHMs are doing isn’t just about the monetary value of keeping a household together and running it smoothly ─ It’s about shaping the future. SAHMs give up their identity and personal time to raise the next generation of humans, instilling values, teaching life skills and fostering creativity so that their children become contributing members of society when they grow up. It’s about recognizing that the work they do at home is fundamental to the functioning of society and acknowledging that the future they’re raising matters. So does the work they do to prepare their children for it.

Asked what she feels about her SAHM journey, June says she has no regrets as it is rewarding to be present at every step of the way since her boy’s birth. “Witnessing it is something words cannot describe,” she says.

Morinaga Chil-kid

SAHMs are always busy managing the household and the children’s daily activities. When it comes to nutrition, choosing the growing up milk that is carefully balanced with all the essential nutrients to meet the child’s growing needs is of utmost importance. Adrian, for example, has been advised by his paediatrician to drink formula milk, for his growing needs.

Morinaga Chil-kid, a Japanese growing up milk, is enriched with more than 45 essential nutrients vital for children’s growth journey. Containing ARA+DHA, Inositol, Galacto-oligosaccharides (GOS), 5 Nucleotides, Omega 3&6 Long Chain Polyunsaturates (LCPs), and 21 vitamins and minerals, the protein-packed milk is sufficient in satisfying the nutritional needs of fast-growing children, when complemented with meals in a daily diet.

Dissolving easily in lukewarm water to save time for busy mothers, the new and improved Morinaga Chil-kid has a mild vanilla taste and is formulated completely free of sucrose.

Knowing children’s erratic eating behaviour, the milk, which fulfils children’s daily Recommended Nutrition Intake (RNI), fills in the blanks when meals fall short of their nutrient content. It also helps to take the guesswork out for mothers who wonder if they are providing their children balanced and comprehensive nutritional support for their overall growth and development.

Made specifically for Asian children aged one to seven years old, Morinaga Chil-kid is wholly produced and packed in its state-of-the-art plant in the Netherlands where it goes through rigorous European Union (EU) quality control and a double-inspection process in Japan before it is exported to Malaysia.