Every parent is unique in how they choose to raise their children. As different as each parent may be from each other, their parenting approach will generally fit into one of the four main styles of parenting according to research[1]. The four main categories are: Authoritarian, Permissive and Uninvolved/Neglectful and Authoritative. Sometimes parents blend characteristics from multiple categories according to their situation. When safety is at stake, for example, a parent might use a firm authoritarian style that leaves no room for negotiation. But the parent might put consequences on hold and lean into a permissive approach to encourage their child to call for help if they put themselves in a dangerous situation. Whichever style a parent chooses, it will shape how the child will turn out as he grows up.

Here's a look at the four main parenting styles:

1: Authoritarian Parenting Style

As the name implies, authoritarian parents are authoritarian in their approach to parenting. They are rigid and implement strict rules for their children to follow. Typically, they engage in a one-way mode of communication (“It’s my way or the highway”) and believe that the child “should be seen and not heard.” This parenting style is characterized by the strict enforcement of rules that children are expected to follow without question. These rules are not open for interpretation, compromise, or further discussion. This parenting style is also known for using punishments when rules are violated to ensure obedience from children. Affection is not usually expressed, if at all.

Impact on children

Children raised by authoritarian parents often exhibit well-behaved behaviour due to the consequences of misbehaviour. Additionally, they tend to follow precise instructions more effectively to achieve their goals. However, in time, they may rebel against authority figures with classmates or friends.

This approach to parenting can have negative consequences on children that can follow them into adulthood. Children who are raised by authoritarian parents often have trouble with the following:

• Making decisions for themselves
• Choosing right from wrong independently
• Low self-esteem
• Needing confirmation of their worth from outside authority figures

• Poor social skills
• Indecisiveness and trouble thinking on their own
• Poor judge of character
• Anger management and resentfulness
• Hostility and aggression

Authoritarian parenting does not seem to instil lasting lessons. Children will often act out in their parents' absence and seek guidance from someone else, both of which are signs that the child does not respect his parents.

2: Permissive Parenting Style

Opposite of the authoritarian parenting stye is the permissive parenting style which does not impose rules or structures that may go against what the child wants. Parents who use this style are loving and usually give their children what they want. They also often act as peers or friends to their kids rather than parents.

Permissive parents tend to allow their children to regulate their own behaviour and view discipline as damaging. These parents do not present themselves as authority figures and often bribe or use manipulation to get what they want from their children. They usually follow the child’s lead, allowing the child to dictate the parent’s behaviour.

Impact on children

While being extra responsive to your child’s needs can be beneficial, the lack of structure can have negative consequences. Parents who practice a permissive parenting style may end up with entitled or anxious children who develop these traits because no one is taking charge.

Since children have high authority and standing in the household, children of permissive parents are used to getting what they want. This can lead to behavioural problems as they are not used to authority and rules.

Some downsides of permissive parenting include the following:

• Difficulty making decisions
• Lack of responsibility
• Lack of independence
• Academic struggles
• Impulsiveness and aggressiveness
• Anxiety and Depression

Children who undergo this style of parenting may become egotistical, selfish, and entitled. They may also refuse or fail to put any effort into school, work, and social endeavours since they are not expected to do so at home. If your child is constantly angry as a result of this type of parenting, you may need to use certain rules to parent the angry child.

Permissive parents may also raise children with a greater risk of developing health problems, such as a high Body Mass Index (BMI) and obesity, as they struggle to limit unhealthy food intake or promote regular exercise. Children are also more likely to develop cavities since permissive parents do not enforce good habits such as teeth brushing.

3: Uninvolved Parenting Style

Also known as the neglectful parenting style, uninvolved parents often ignore their children and offer little guidance, nurturing, and attention.

Parents who practice the uninvolved or neglectful parenting style provide the child’s basic needs but do not interact much with their children. This parenting style is characterized by the non-implementation of any structure or rules. These parents also do not show much affection to their children or get involved with their kids’ lives. Children are mostly left to fend for themselves.

The uninvolved parenting style may not always be a conscious choice parents make, but can be forced by circumstance, such as the need to work late shifts, single parenting, or overall family troubles.

Studies have indicated that children with uninvolved parents are more likely to have higher rates of lying, defiance, not listening, being rude to others, and other antisocial behaviours. These children often turn to peers for support and are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol when they grow up.

Impact on children

Without any guidance, structure, or parental involvement, children of uninvolved parents often act out. Research[2] has found that kids with uninvolved parents have the worst outcomes compared to the other parenting styles, and they're more likely to experience the following:

• Substance abuse
• Rebelliousness
• Lower cognitive and emotional empathy
• Have difficulty forming close relationships
• Diminished self esteem
• Becoming depressed
• Lashing out by taking part in delinquent or hostile behaviour
• Cutting themselves off from others

Uninvolved parents may also raise children who develop attachment issues such as having difficulties forming and maintaining healthy, secure bonds with others. This is a result of a fleeting or absent parent-child bond or relationship.

4: Authoritative Parenting Style

This parenting style is all about being responsive, nurturing, and supportive while setting firm limits for children.

The authoritative parenting style is characterized by a balance between independence and structure. It allows children to grow within reasonable boundaries while still exploring their abilities and desires. For example, authoritative parents will set firm rules and boundaries but allow two-way communication with children about why these limits exist. These parents spend time with the child doing important activities for the child.

The child is encouraged to have input in setting goals and expectations, thereby fostering open, frequent, and appropriate communication between parent and child.

An example of authoritative parenting can be seen during mealtimes. Rather than imposing strict restrictions and rules such as forcing the child to finish everything on his plate, authoritative parents will model good eating behaviours. They will typically include the children during meal preparation and involve them in the decision-making, such as choosing what to have for dinner one night a week or what snack to eat. Research[3] shows that authoritative parenting leads to better outcomes in weight management and eating habits in children.

Authoritative parenting is sometimes called “tough but fair.” Children have the space to make mistakes without fear of judgment while still having a structure that provides guidance. Other characteristics of authoritative parenting include disciplinary measures that are supportive rather than punitive, and being assertive but not intrusive and restrictive. This parenting style is the most challenging style for parents because it involves patience, effort and time commitment but the resulting outcomes are worth it for the parent, the child, and the family.

Impact on children

Children raised using an authoritative parenting style are usually confident, happy, and successful. They are more likely to make good decisions and evaluate risks better on their own. Authoritative parenting is connected to academic achievement, heightened self-esteem, and resilience[4].

Children with authoritative parents tend to have the following:

• Positive and nurturing relationship with parents
• Tendency to be respectful and responsible
• High sense of self-esteem, confidence, and self-regulation
• A higher likelihood of being happy and successful
• Better ability to manage their aggression
• Better ability to clearly express their emotions

Children with authoritative parents, in general, have the most favourable outcomes in all areas of life (including social, academic, and psychological) when compared to all other parenting styles.

Research has shown, and experts agree, that children with authoritative parents show the highest levels of academic achievement compared to the other parenting styles. They have also demonstrated lower levels of mental illness, drug and alcohol abuse, and aggression into adulthood.

Can You Change Your Parenting Style?

If you notice that you tend to be more authoritarian, permissive, or uninvolved, there are steps you can take to adopt a more authoritative parenting style. Strategies that may help include:

• Listening: Spend time listening to what your child has to say. Let them share their opinions, ideas, and worries with you.
• Establishing rules: Create a clear set of rules for your household and communicate your expectations to your child. In addition to telling your child what the rules are, explain why these rules exist.
• Considering your child's input: Authoritative parents set the rules but are also willing to listen to their child's feelings and consider them when making decisions.
• Being consistent: Enforce rules consistently, but be sure to provide consequences that are fair, proportionate, and educational.

Developing a more authoritative parenting style takes time. With practice and consistent effort, you will find that your approach to parenting will gradually shift to a more supportive, involved approach that can lead to better developmental outcomes.

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[1]Sanvictores, T., & Mendez, M. D. (2022, September 18). Types of parenting styles and effects on children. StatPearls - NCBI Bookshelf. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK568743/

[2]Hoskins, D. (2014). Consequences of parenting on adolescent outcomes. Societies, 4(3), 506–531. https://doi.org/10.3390/soc4030506

[3]Lopez, N. V., Schembre, S., Belcher, B. R., O’Connor, S., Maher, J. P., Arbel, R., Margolin, G., & Dunton, G. F. (2018). Parenting styles, food-related parenting practices, and children’s healthy eating: A mediation analysis to examine relationships between parenting and child diet. Appetite, 128, 205–213. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appet.2018.06.021

[4]Hayek, J., Schneider, F., Lahoud, N., Tueni, M., & De Vries, H. (2022). Authoritative parenting stimulates academic achievement, also partly via self-efficacy and intention towards getting good grades. PLoS ONE, 17(3), e0265595. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0265595